New year, new terminology

Vocubulary that does not exist (to my knowledge) but should:

• A term for the satisfying stripes that a vacuum creates on a freshly cleaned carpet
• A word to describe the feeling of jolting out of slumber at 7:30 a.m., only to realize it’s a Saturday morning and you have nothing on your day’s agenda.
• An expression for the act of offering your help to a friend in need merely because you wanted to say the right thing, followed by the friend gladly accepting your generous offer and you now feeling burdened, regretful and annoyed.
• A phrase that describes the tendency to consume unhealthy amounts of raw mixes or condiments, toppings and spreads that are only meant to enhance other foods when used in small quantities. (Examples include: devouring multiple spoonfuls of peanut butter, pouring chocolate syrup or squirting whipped cream directly into mouth, eating half of a container of apple butter in one sitting, or digesting a tube of raw cookie dough without producing baked cookies.)
• A word for the obnoxious overuse of “air quotes.”